May 13, 2021
I need a longer break than I anticipated, so in order to keep giving you new content, I’m releasing a handful of interviews in their uncut form.
Donya started getting sexual attention very young because her body developed early. As a teenager and adult, she has experienced a wide range of relationship styles and partners. After having a child and settling into the closest thing to commitment outside of marriage, she received a breast cancer diagnosis.
Donya is a 46-year-old cisgender female who describes herself as white, bisexual, monogamous, and in a committed relationship.
Bookmark moments:
- 4:48 - Donya shares her first memory of sexual pleasure, finding a book of erotica at age 9 or 10 and feeling aroused in a new way—both physically and mentally, at the same time.
- 7:58 - Sex was not discussed in the home; her parents divorced and her mother remarried a closed-off man. She finds her mom’s secret copy of “The Joy of Sex” at some point.
- 14:40 - Donya talks about being both busty and a dancer and receiving sexual attention from an early teen age. It’s an early experience of power and pleasure—especially at youth group. Dry humping becomes a favorite activity.
- 24:51 - Sex itself is fairly disappointing early on; Donya learns to exercise the power dynamic between using the appeal she has to get attention and wanting to go slow to actually find pleasure.
- 29:00 - Donya finally experiences a lover who is devoted to her pleasure. As part of the Society for Creative Anachronism, she tries to navigate the community’s culture of non-monogamy.
- 37:23 - Donya talks about the end of her primary poly relationship: yes, you can be poly and still cheat.
- 39:19 - Donya shares how she came out as bisexual and began to experiment, up to the point of marrying a “Santa Cruz lesbian” and seeing the inside of man-bashing culture.
- 50:19 - Donya catches us up on her current long-term monogamous male partner, with whom she has a child. They’ve been together 8 years and have a fully committed life; at first neither want to mess with marriage again, but it’s now on the table.
- 58:04 - Childbearing (and specifically vaginal birth) impacts her sexuality. So does being a mother to a young child, and the parenting style choices they make.
- 1:05:28 - Donya experiences a series of illnesses, and is diagnosed with breast cancer. She and her partner go through periods of separation. They’ve gotten therapy and are currently together.
- 1:08:22 - She talks about the details of her breast cancer journey. She feels like her body let her down, and fears bad sex in forced menopause.
The Lowdown (1:13:52)
All Good Girls Talk About Sex audio extras are FREE! They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.
I've done this because not everyone has the means to pay for access, and I know this additional material can be deeply important for some listeners. But creating this show isn't free, so if you’d like to support the work I do, I am grateful for your contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.
BE PART OF THE SHOW:
Rate this pod: Leave a rating and review at RateThisPodcast.com/goodgirls
Have a question or comment - Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) - this is a voicemail-only line, so I promise you won't have to talk to someone in person!
Be a guest on the show - I'd love to talk with you! Fill out the form at www.leahcarey.com/guest
FOLLOW LEAH:
Instagram - www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk
YouTube - www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk
Leah's website - www.leahcarey.com
Podcast website - www.goodgirlstalk.com
WORK WITH LEAH:
Learn about coaching with Leah - www.leahcarey.com/coaching
Join a PJ Party for Grown Ups - www.leahcarey.com/pjparty
EPISODE CREDITS:
Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria
Franco
Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak