Sep 3, 2020
This week, 72-year-old Paulette gives us a window into growing
up in a conservative time and culture, and how those tight-lipped
and sexually discouraging tropes impacted her lifelong ability to
experience pleasure.
Paulette is a cisgender female. She describes herself as mixed
Black/Latinx, heterosexual, monogamous, and post-menopausal. She
describes her body as "thick."
PSA: Restrictive beliefs can impact so many
areas of life and pleasure. If something is confusing you and
holding you back, ask, ask, ask for help.
Bookmark moments:
- 2:52 - Paulette shares her first memory of sexual pleasure,
kissing a boy at around age 8 and liking it.
- 7:45 - Growing up in an African-American and West Indian
family, the expectation was that girls would not bring shame to
their family.
- 8:50 - She got her period at elementary school unexpectedly,
and up to that point had received no education about sex or
reproductive bodily functions. Even afterwards there was little
detail imparted. “Keep your legs closed, your skirt down. You’re a
young lady now.”
- 14:50 - Paulette opens up about her love of foreplay and
less-than-love of penetration and tells about an early love
experience with only kissing.
- 19:08 - She loses her virginity around age 20, though she is
still very nervous to have sex because of the intense shaming
around pregnancy out of wedlock.
- 21:13 - Paulette has a pregnancy and miscarriage, which she
thinks may have been caused by her intense fear of the pregnancy.
She has another pregnancy later with the same fears, and decides to
seek an abortion. She later adopts two children.
- 26:28 - She marries at age 35, and finds herself sexually
unsatisfied and unable to work on it with her husband.
- 31:25 - Paulette diverts her energy to her kids, in the face of
her lack of satisfaction in the marriage.
- 33:57 - The talk turns to masturbation; Paulette has never done
it, and the repressive effects have lasted her lifetime.
- 37:14 - They discuss body image and being “thick.” Paulette
consciously raised her boys to have the body comfort and confidence
she didn’t.
- 43:30 - Paulette shares that sometimes she gets what feel like
incorporeal nighttime visits. Her husband has passed away at this
point, as has her first love.
The Lowdown (47:30)
- What belief did you have about sex as a child or teenager that
you wish you could correct her on now?
- (Follow up) Do you ever feel like there was a possibility of a
breakthrough to enjoying it, or was it just something that did not
seem available to you?
The audio extras for this episode are:
- More about Paulette’s relationship with her first lover, and
how it felt when they progressed from making out to penetrative
sex; plus a longer look at Paulette’s marriage to her husband
- The extended Lowdown Q&A
Audio extras are available to everyone FOR FREE at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. Because
this material is marked explicit, you will need to create an
account to access it, but no pledge is required. Of course,
all pledges are happily accepted!
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Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Music – Nazar Rybak