Aug 5, 2021
It’s our 100th episode!!!!!
Ar Blia is a listener-turned-guest who has been untangling early
experiences of trauma, limiting cultural beliefs, and confusing
desires to first explore and then advocate for her own pleasure.
Even within the constricts of a conservative community, she has
been able to find adventure, find herself, and find a partner who
truly works for her.
Ar Blia is a 27-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself
as straight, monogamous, and partnered with her boyfriend of five
years. She describes her body as average (though by white American
standards many of us would probably consider her petite.)
Bookmark moments:
- 6:12 - Ar Blia shares her first memory of sexual pleasure, at
age 4-5, being aware of a pleasant tickle-ish sensation “down
there” with a soapy touch. She innocently explores herself in the
open until her father makes fun of her.
- 11:20 - Ar Blia talks about her culture’s views on sex and
marriage and how that impacted her while growing up.
- 14:07 - She talks about her first boyfriend, with whom she
planned to wait until marriage despite the copious sexual
tension.
- 21:30 - Ar Blia shares how some aspects of her culture and how
they impacted her attractions and actions.
- 26:08 - Ar Blia learns to make her personality smaller to
accommodate her boyfriend, slowly losing herself over four
years.
- 29:00 - She talks about how her current boyfriend helped her
see what had happened.
- 36:08 - She shares how she met her current boyfriend, who
happily pushes her up against walls. She discusses how virginity is
prized in her culture and how she navigated that with the second
boyfriend. She further details how her culture shaped this
relationship with regard to age and expectations.
- 41:27 - Ar Blia opens up about her struggles with body
image.
- 45:00 - Ar Blia discusses how she and her boyfriend found their
way to pleasure reciprocity, and how they subsequently navigated a
time of decreased libido.
- 49:16 - She ties the decreased libido back to earlier
culturally-informed traumas around non-consensual sexual touch. She
recalls the two episodes, and talks about present-day impacts on
having her breasts touched.
- 1:04:30 - Ar Blia says listening to episodes of this podcast
has helped her process what had happened, and get to a good place
with her boyfriend now.
- 1:09:51 - The Lowdown: Ar Blia answers
questions about having sex on her period, sex partners and race,
sex toys, positions, clit stimulation vs penetration, breast play,
getting to orgasm/faking it, kinds of touch, hard red lines, anal
play, porn (and discovering her father’s stash with her siblings),
hair vs bare, group sex, oral sex, kink, role playing, dirty talk,
uncomfortable desires, body image, and changing beliefs.
- 1:20:17 - Leah and Ar Blia talk out being submissive in the
bedroom vs in life, and the possibility of 3-way explorations.
Patreon:
Creating this show isn't free, so if you’d like to
support the work I do, I am grateful for your
contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.
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you! Fill out the form at www.leahcarey.com/guest
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- www.leahcarey.com/coaching
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EPISODE CREDITS:
Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria
Franco
Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak