Jun 24, 2021
Gina grew up as a hot babe, the kind we’d all be jealous of. It
took a long journey of sexual acting out and questionable marriages
for her to realize that she was both groomed to be this way, and
that it’s a trauma response to early assaults. Being performative,
dominant, or checking out are still common ways her body responds,
even though she loves her husband. She is the mother of two
daughters and is committed to finding a path to sex that feels
safe, and hopefully even enjoyable.
Gina is a 43-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as
Latina, monogamous, straight, and married. She was brought up in a
Catholic home and she now has two daughters. She describes her body
as average and peri-menopausal.
Bookmark moments:
- 7:10 - Gina shares her first memory of sexual pleasure, rubbing
herself on the corner of a piece of furniture as a child—something
she now sees her own young daughters doing. She only learned as an
adult that people masturbate and this is common.
- 14:25 - Gina has a repressed memory of being molested. Leah
shares that you do not need to know what happened in order to
heal.
- 19:00 - Gina has her first boyfriend, and first unpleasant
groping. It brings up a memory of a previous unwanted, confusing
fingering by a non-blood-related family member.
- 25:02 - They discuss autonomic pleasure during assault, and how
deeply confusing that can be.
- 30:49 - Gina remembers feeling pleasure when she finally has
consensual sex, but she knew even then to be performative. She
links this to growing up, when her father encouraged her to look
sexy as though that reflected positively on him and would speak
inappropriately in front of her.
- 35:26 - She starts playing a dangerous game with getting
herself in and out of sexual situations to reclaim control. In the
middle of this she gets married at 18, he is in the military, and
she has intense anxiety attacks. A double life ensues.
- 43:17 - Gina opens up about having a sexual attraction to women
which coincided with an increasing disgust with the men for whom
she stripped.
- 47:55- She gets out of the bad marriage and rewrites her story
with an unusual new marriage the same day of her divorce. She has
loads of sexual encounters, enough to earn her a nickname; they
divorce when his girlfriend gets pregnant.
- 51:45 - She meets her current husband; at the time she sees him
as fresh meat to teach. She enters a period of discovering herself
*without* sex and deliberately envisions who she wants to
be—someone who is truthful and has intellectual coffee shop
friends.
- 55:26 - Childhood trauma resurfaces as she faces a new
conflict: how to enjoy sex without performing her enjoyment. 18
years into a happy marriage, she still struggles between detachment
and control. Motherhood, especially touch out from breastfeeding,
complicates things.
- 1:02:40 - Gina recognizes a need for non-sexual touch and
intimacy, actual foreplay, creating safety, clear communication,
and understanding her trauma responses. She shares their journey
through marital therapy to recover from a rough patch and her brief
infidelity. Sex-specific therapy is discussed.
- 1:12:00 - Trauma responses are discussed.
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EPISODE CREDITS:
Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria
Franco
Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak