Oct 1, 2020
Lynn shares her trauma history, and then opens up on a deep and
detailed level about hiring a sex worker to save her marriage.
Because no one in her family talked about sex or bodies, for
much of her early life, she believed that her vagina was a fatal
birth defect.
Lynn is a 49-year-old, cisgender female. She describes herself
as white, NOT straight, mostly monogamous, married, and
peri-menopausal. She describes her body as "very average."
How Healing Happens: Sex workers can play a
critical role in sexual healing. It’s a safe space with clear
boundaries, and without the emotional charge (or baggage) often
built up with a partner. A sex worker can help you overcome
resistance to pleasure, focus on sensation, and figure out what
*does* feel good to your body. And some do work with couples.
Bookmark moments:
- 4:25 - Lynn’s first memory of sexual pleasure occurs at age 9,
with the accidental placement of a blanket between her legs on a
hot summer night. Her surprise discovery leads to a serious
misconception but she knows not to ask questions.
- 11:11 - She experiments with touching and kissing with her best
friend, trying to figure things out with the benefit of sex
ed.
- 17:56 - As her home life falls apart in her teens, Lynn falls
prey to attention of older men.
- 24:14 - She leaves home at 16 and gets married, in order to
escape things at home. Things are good at first, but when she gets
pregnant, he gets violent.
- 34:48 - Lynn meets her second husband. He is wonderful and so
is the sex, but life quickly throws a few wrenches into the
works.
- 38:41 - The lack of sex in the marriage destroys their
emotional bond.
- 41:49 - Lynn tells her husband he has permission to see a sex
worker to get his needs met. He resists…at first.
- 45:42 - After some deep introspection, she suggests an
alternate set of plans to her husband to celebrate their upcoming
anniversary—involving Lynn visiting the sex worker.
- 53:30 - Lynn discovers her body is not, in fact, broken.
- 54:00 - They go to the sex worker together for their
anniversary. Much unfolds from this and subsequent sessions with
the sex worker.
- 1:03:30 - Lynn shares about the medical help and therapy she
sought before turning to a sex worker, and her fears of social
disapproval.
The Patreon extras for this
episode are:
- Lynn and I took a deeper dive into the nature of the
relationships she was having with older men – was it predatory? Was
it healthy? Is it possible that it could be some combination
of both?
- Lynn and I talk about how, having had a history of violent
homes, she managed to create a home without violence for her son.
We also talk about how she approached the topic of sex with her
son, and what her relationship with her body is – and how that has
changed since menopause.
- The extended Lowdown Q&A
ALL audio extras are now FREE for everyone!!!!! They can
be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. If
you’d like to support the work I do, you can make a monthly
contribution at that site.
PJ PARTIES!! Information
and registration at www.leahcarey.com/PJparty
FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk
CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call
720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)
PATREON: Become a community supporter at
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex
RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at
www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls
BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit
www.leahcarey.com/guest
COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly?
Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching
Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Music – Nazar Rybak