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Good Girls Talk About Sex

Nov 25, 2020

Leah met Gretchen at Sex Geek Summer Camp. They realized they share remarkably similar journeys; both started having sex later in life, believed that they were broken, then sought out sexual experiences and healing. Significantly, both engaged the services of a tantric practitioner.


Gretchen is a cisgender 46-year-old cisgender woman. She describes herself as bisexual and polyamorous.  She describes her body as average.


PSA: You can’t learn to swim in a lecture hall.


Bookmark moments:

  • 4:07 - Gretchen talks about her first memory of sexual pleasure, cuddling with another girl around age 8 or 9.
  • 7:13 - Growing up Catholic, sex was never talked about.
  • 10:44 - Gretchen discusses dissociating from her body for most of her life. Her parents never discussed her appearance in an attempt to minimize cultural influences. It backfires, though not in the usual way.
  • 18:12 - In her late 20’s, after returning from the Peace Corps, she finally tries to start dating.
  • 19:39 - Living in the culture of the Dominican Republic changes her perspective.
  • 25:32 - After a long time of flirting with a co-worker, sex enters the conversation. The encounter qualifies more as “penetration of some type”.
  • 36:06 - She’s moved to Portland and wanting to date and have sex.
  • 39:28 - With the help of her therapist and a whiteboard, Gretchen has a breakthrough.
  • 42:06 - She takes a 3-week trip to Mexico. It ends, unexpectedly, with a one-night stand with her Mayan kayak guide. For touch-starved Gretchen, the experience is wonderful, then strange, then breaks her with the thought that she might be frigid.
  • 50:00 - Gretchen starts working with a tantric practitioner.


The Lowdown (56:35)

  • Do you enjoy giving blowjobs or oral sex?
  • When you give a blowjob, do you swallow or not?
  • What is a myth about sex you’ve had to unlearn?


The Patreon extras for this episode are:

  • Gretchen tells the story of the second time she had sex. It was with a guy who picked her up in a bar for a one-night stand when she was 30. She talks about the strange sex position he put her in that gave her a particularly unflattering view of her own body.
  • Gretchen talks about the tantra practitioner who helped her consciously engage with her sexuality for the first time. We also talk about her emotional relationship with him – specifically, did she fall in love with him?
  • The extended Lowdown Q&A


ALL audio extras are now FREE for everyone!!!!!  They can be accessed at  If you’d like to support the work I do, you can make a monthly contribution at that site.


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Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak